When a friend opens up about their struggles, it’s a powerful moment that requires empathetic listening, care, and attention. 💬 Your words and actions can either provide comfort or unintentionally add to their burden.
Let’s dive into 10 things you should avoid—and what to do instead—to become the kind of listener your friend truly needs.
Why Words and Actions Matter
Your words and actions hold weight, especially during vulnerable conversations where empathetic listening can make all the difference. 🗣️
Saying something dismissive, even unintentionally, can amplify their feelings of isolation, while thoughtful words can provide reassurance and comfort. For example, offering validation like, “That must be really hard for you,” can make someone feel acknowledged.
On the other hand, actions like maintaining eye contact and giving undivided attention help to reinforce your care and support. These gestures might seem small, but they demonstrate genuine engagement and respect.
By staying present in the moment, you make the other person feel valued and heard.
For instance, actively nodding or using short affirmations like “I see” or “I understand” can encourage them to share more openly.
This kind of simple, focused attention can make a profound difference, fostering a sense of trust and safety in the conversation.
10 Things Not to Say or Do (and What to Do Instead)
When we’re trying to help, it’s easy to say or do something that unintentionally causes hurt.
These 10 points highlight common pitfalls, drawn from everyday interactions, that many of us overlook.
For example, imagine a friend sharing their anxiety about an upcoming challenge. Instead of saying, “Just think positive,” which might make them feel unsupported, you could say, “That sounds really tough. How can I help?” 🤝 This approach validates their feelings and opens the door to meaningful support.
1. Don’t Say: “It’s not that bad.”
This phrase might seem like a way to offer perspective, but it can come across as dismissive.
Instead, Say: “That sounds really hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Acknowledge their pain without minimising it.
2. Don’t Say: “Just think positive.”
While positivity has its place, this response can make your friend feel as though their emotions are unwelcome.
Instead, Say: “I’m here to listen if you want to talk about it.” Offer them space to express their feelings.
3. Don’t Say: “I know exactly how you feel.”
Even if you’ve faced something similar, your experience isn’t the same. This phrase can shift the focus away from your friend.
Instead, Say: “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, but I’m here to listen.” Keep the focus on their feelings.
4. Don’t Say: “You’ll get over it.”
This can sound dismissive and minimise what they’re going through. Healing isn’t always linear.
Instead, Say: “Take your time. I’m here for you.” Let them know it’s okay to take things at their own pace.
5. Don’t Interrupt
Interrupting can make them feel their thoughts aren’t important.
When someone is vulnerable, having uninterrupted time to express themselves helps them feel respected and valued. It shows you care about what they’re saying and that their perspective matters.
Cutting them off can create frustration or make them reluctant to share in the future.
Instead: Let them finish their thoughts. Show you’re listening by nodding or saying, “Go on” when there’s a pause.
6. Don’t Check Your Phone
Even a quick glance at your screen can send the message that you’re not fully present. 📵
Instead: Put your phone away and give them your undivided attention. Eye contact and active listening go a long way.
7. Don’t Offer Unsolicited Advice
Sometimes, they’re not looking for solutions—just a listening ear.
Instead: Ask, “Would you like advice, or do you just need someone to listen?” Let them guide the conversation.
8. Don’t Say: “At least…”
Phrases like “At least you still have…” can make their feelings seem invalid.
Instead, Say: “That’s really tough. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.” Acknowledge their struggle without diminishing it.
9. Don’t Dismiss Their Emotions
Saying things like, “You’re overreacting” can make them feel unheard.
Instead, Say: “It’s okay to feel this way. Your emotions are valid.” Validate their feelings, even if you don’t fully understand.
10. Don’t Forget to Follow Up
Ending the conversation and not checking in later can make them feel like you don’t care.
Instead: Send a text or call a few days later to see how they’re doing. A simple, “Thinking of you” can mean a lot.
Final Thoughts
Being a supportive listener isn’t about having all the right answers—it’s about practising empathetic listening and creating a safe space for your friend to share.
Creating a safe space means actively showing them they’re valued and respected. By maintaining eye contact, giving them time to speak without interruptions, and affirming their feelings with statements like, “I’m here for you,” you demonstrate care.
So next time someone confides in you, remember: your words and actions have the power to uplift. 🌟
Let’s choose them wisely. 💛
Ready to be a better listener? Share this post with someone who needs it, and let’s spread the art of empathy together!
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